ext_120994 ([identity profile] first-fallen.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] freckles_and_doubt 2010-03-05 02:56 pm (UTC)

Babies

Hmm, this has been an internal debate of mine for some time (especially since getting married). I started off loving babies and being desperately broody, then went through a phase of "no thanks, not for me, but yours are very nice" (possibly due to all that babysitting of small vomiting terrors) and now I'm leaning back towards broody. But it changes literally every 5 minutes. Usually if I'm doing something that I couldn't do if there were small people around. I listen to friends say how they wish they could do XYZ but can't because of the children and I think "whew, thank FSM I'm not in that position, I have the freedom to do whatever I want". What I really worry about is that I don't have a lot of time left, what if I make the wrong choice and regret it? P and I say that we'll start thinking seriously about it in 3 years' time. What if we decide to breed and then I resent my offspring for taking away valuable knitting/spinning/reading time? I come from a very broken family, what if I find that I don't know how to make a happy one for a small person?

I admit that deep inside I have Victorian views in that I see older childless couples and immediately pity them and wonder what the problem was that they couldn't have children. I then stomp on these thoughts and feel bad for having them :(. I hate it when I say that I don't want kids and ppl say "oh, you'll change your mind" as if I have no choice in the matter, as if I'm just a slave to my meat. It makes me want to slap their smirking faces.

So, yeh, confused me is confused. There are loads of pros and cons either way but in the end I don't think logic will play a large part in it at all. I've heard ppl say that sometimes it's best just to have an accident, that if you wait for the "right time" it never comes. Fuck that shit.

If your friend discovers the answer I hope she'll share :).

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