English as she is spoke

[freckles_and_doubt]

Message on the packet encasing the booklet of instructions for the gas heater acquired today by my Evil Landlord, who seems to be on a roll with this heater-acquisition thing (they now outnumber the cats):

WARNNING: TO AVOID DANGER OF SUFFOCATION KEEP AWAY FORM BAGES AND CHILDREN.

My eye persists in reading "bages" as "bagels", and "warnning" as being somehow more emphatic than the ordinary kind.

The usual drunken Thaifoodfestdrunkup with jo&stv this evening resulted, among the usual Wayward Puppy conversation, in the concept of Revised Standard Orthodox Grammar, a new religion which metes out fiery death to apostrophe abusers and other heretics. First up against the wall when the jihad sweeps the land will be the Dear Little Students who rendered this afternoon's batch of marking horrible by their persistent refusal to believe that a sentence actually needs a verb.

Comments

gramma

[pinkthulhu.livejournal.com]

Better not travel to India then. Our Maltese friends, while in Pushkar, caught this menu:

BRAKFAST

Plane porriadge
Chess tomato sanwich
Scrumble eggs
Penut butter tost

MAIN & PITZAS

Myones salad
Friedoberjen salad (Fried Aubergine Salad)
Vegetable Cutlate
Brushltte (Bruschetta)
Piperoni pizzsaa
Green peepers pitza
Allolive pisza (Al olio pizza)

DESERT

Banofi pi
Nuttla Pancak
Plan crrosant
Apple Studle
Peace of choclate

DRINKS

Strabarry shake
Child Beer
...BON APPETIT!

Re: gramma

[(Anonymous)]

I was mostly intrigued that they actually had banofi pi on offer, no matter how badly spelt, until I saw the "child beer". Wow.

I give you www.engrish.com, source of such delights as "Primitive Cool - collective heterosexual scenario and turn the women red". Hey, at least it has a verb.

scroob

Re: gramma

[extemporanea.livejournal.com]

OMG! That's amazing! I find myself desperately wanting to go forth and create new culinary masterpieces I can christen things like "Scrumble Eggs" (a hearty meal, I think, with lots of bits in it) and "Peace of Chocolate", which is presumably the next logical step after Death by Chocolate. Although "Green Peepers" sounds as though the larval stages of alien life forms are on the menu...

Re: gramma

[pinkthulhu.livejournal.com]

My favourites are the "Child Beer" (only for children?) and the "Chess Tomato Sanwich" - can you literally play with your food? :)

Re: gramma

[(Anonymous)]

The "Child beer" hasn't been aged.

BAGES

[gnomeza.livejournal.com]

Must be badgers.
The face-hugging kind.

Re: BAGES

[extemporanea.livejournal.com]

Face-hugging badgers! of course!

Actually, I also keep reading "FORM BAGES" as one word. What's a formbage? I think I see it as a sort of sad, fat weaselly thing. But why do they have to be kept away from plastic bags? Confused...

Re: BAGES

[strawberryfrog.livejournal.com]

It is mispunctuated. It should read "TO AVOID DANGER OF SUFFOCATION, KEEP AWAY. FORM BADGES AND CHILDREN."

I know how one forms children, but how do you form badges?

Re: BAGES

[wolverine-nun.livejournal.com]

I recall a friend being disappointed at the end of a marathon. The application form had promised badgers for those finishing the run in a particular time, and all he got was a badge...