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Day 3: I have sprung clent
Sunday, 29 March 2020 01:07 pmThis house has a cockroach problem, or perhaps a problem with beetles who resemble cockroaches too closely for comfort, or, most likely, some kind of horrible mix of both. In pursuance of the eradication of the above, I have so far during this lock-down done the following:
1. Lifted the oven hob, sprayed the milling hordes with evil surface spray chemicals, waited a few hours, and cleaned out the heaps of corpses with a brush and pan. This is not a uniformly easy operation as the hob has a broken rubber seal which falls off and apart as soon as you lift it, necessitating it being taped back into place with packing tape before reseating the hob. The packing tape is subsequently removed with a sharp pull, not unlike a magician removing a tablecloth from under a full formal place setting for 20.
2. Taken everything out of the top drawer (baking supplies) next to the oven, which is one of a built-in unit with basketwork drawer sides, which I cannot but see as a design flaw; thrown out the expired stuff, brushed out the bits of nut, cleaned religiously and stashed all the nuts, chocolate chips, chocolate bars and other perishables in sealed plastic containers so the wretched beetles can't get at them. Beetle corpse count: 7.
3. Taken everything out of the second drawer (pasta), revealing incidentally that I could probably live comfortably for three months on the contents, other than the actual scurvy; I appear to buy pasta as a nervous twitch, which means the drawer currently contains full packs of macaroni, spaghetti, fusilli screws (all high fibre), lasagne and gnocchi, plus half packs of additional macaroni, penne and those tiny little shells I very occasionally put in soup. I feel it says something significant about me, I'm not sure what, that the baking supplies are in the top drawer, which is because I access them more frequently than I cook pasta. I have closed all open packets with pegs or placed in ziploc bags, and cleaned religiously. Beetle corpse count: only 3, they are clearly not fans of Italian.
4. Taken everything out of the spice cupboard, which is on the other side of the oven, and thrown out about half of it, which had use-by dates stretching between 2013 and the current year. The rest is now in sealed whatevers, and I have cleaned out the detritus of bits of dried fruit etc, and resolved to stop buying ground ginger and smoked paprika, there are about four refill boxes of each. Beetle corpse count: 5.
5. Taken down, beaten, wiped and replaced the stuff stuck to my fridge with magnets, which comprises mostly artwork by my niece over the last 6 years (she's now 13), or artwork by Arya (currently 5). There was a small, intense beetle colony sheltering in place beneath the one with the glitter. Beetle corpse count: 8.
There were still two beetles on the counter when I staggered in, half-awake, to make tea this morning. Next plan may be to while away a few days of lockdown in constructing a flamethrower.
1. Lifted the oven hob, sprayed the milling hordes with evil surface spray chemicals, waited a few hours, and cleaned out the heaps of corpses with a brush and pan. This is not a uniformly easy operation as the hob has a broken rubber seal which falls off and apart as soon as you lift it, necessitating it being taped back into place with packing tape before reseating the hob. The packing tape is subsequently removed with a sharp pull, not unlike a magician removing a tablecloth from under a full formal place setting for 20.
2. Taken everything out of the top drawer (baking supplies) next to the oven, which is one of a built-in unit with basketwork drawer sides, which I cannot but see as a design flaw; thrown out the expired stuff, brushed out the bits of nut, cleaned religiously and stashed all the nuts, chocolate chips, chocolate bars and other perishables in sealed plastic containers so the wretched beetles can't get at them. Beetle corpse count: 7.
3. Taken everything out of the second drawer (pasta), revealing incidentally that I could probably live comfortably for three months on the contents, other than the actual scurvy; I appear to buy pasta as a nervous twitch, which means the drawer currently contains full packs of macaroni, spaghetti, fusilli screws (all high fibre), lasagne and gnocchi, plus half packs of additional macaroni, penne and those tiny little shells I very occasionally put in soup. I feel it says something significant about me, I'm not sure what, that the baking supplies are in the top drawer, which is because I access them more frequently than I cook pasta. I have closed all open packets with pegs or placed in ziploc bags, and cleaned religiously. Beetle corpse count: only 3, they are clearly not fans of Italian.
4. Taken everything out of the spice cupboard, which is on the other side of the oven, and thrown out about half of it, which had use-by dates stretching between 2013 and the current year. The rest is now in sealed whatevers, and I have cleaned out the detritus of bits of dried fruit etc, and resolved to stop buying ground ginger and smoked paprika, there are about four refill boxes of each. Beetle corpse count: 5.
5. Taken down, beaten, wiped and replaced the stuff stuck to my fridge with magnets, which comprises mostly artwork by my niece over the last 6 years (she's now 13), or artwork by Arya (currently 5). There was a small, intense beetle colony sheltering in place beneath the one with the glitter. Beetle corpse count: 8.
There were still two beetles on the counter when I staggered in, half-awake, to make tea this morning. Next plan may be to while away a few days of lockdown in constructing a flamethrower.
