in which I am Narked

[freckles_and_doubt]

I appear to be living in something that resembles, in odd moments, an episode of The A-Team. This was vouchsafed to me at 3 this morning, at which time I was startled out of a sound slumber and Interesting Celebrity Dream by a full-scale police car chase charging past my bedroom window, sirens wailing and engines gunning; it ricocheted off into the suburbs on a sort of descending howl. No actual shooting, but I suspect it was a matter of time. I am consequently frayed and tending to take offence at minor issues, such as gravity and the existence of students. It's also been an annoying couple of days work-wise, which doesn't help. Hence, a rant list! Rant lists always make me feel better.

Things Which Are Narking Me Off Right Now:

• Committees. Committees expressly designed, in a friendly, woolly and vague sort of way, to take out of my control the orientation info booklets I produce with ruthless efficiency every year, and turn them into a single, committee-designed, giant info booklet to which the entire faculty cheerfully contributes, in a jolly, happy spirit of let's-be-nice-to-students-in-horribly-inefficient-ways. Ongoing attempts to (a) determine exactly who is going to do the actual work in all of this, and (b) stop grinding my teeth audibly, have failed. My inner jack-booted fascist is stomping around with a ginormous scowl, moodily kicking at my cerebellum.
  
  
• Meetings generally. Meetings are created to fill up space so that you can't actually complete any of the work the meeting was created to discuss. There are 11 meetings in my diary this week, some of them in happy clumps where I have three, one after the other, with no break in between. I am consequently horribly behind in orientation planning, marks processing, curriculum advice, marking and, most importantly, Earl Grey consumption.
  
  
• My eyelids. They're doing that scaly, itchy thing that suggests part of my levels of narkitude may be attributable to the fact that I'm turning into a dragon. Again. I hate this time of year, it's all pollen and eczema and sneezing. My body hates me. It's the Circle of Hate! *holds up baby dragon on giant rock while admiring gazelles look on*.
  
  
• Evil Landlords. The Evil Landlord has overnight become a model of washing-up-doing, but is apparently still Cross with me for Mentioning Ze Washing Up, and is being monosyllabic and refusing to eat anything I cook. The atmosphere in the house is somewhat thunderous. It's all made worse by the fact that I'm assuming all of the above: it might be nothing whatsoever to do with Ze Washing Up, but since he refuses to discuss it, it's difficult to tell. I'm stomping around moodily kicking my own cerebellum in default of what I should actually be doing, which is kicking his.
  
  
• Being at work, which means I don't have my DR & Quinch collection to hand, which means I can't find a nicely homicidal subject line. Bleah.
  
  
• Parcelforce. I am contractually obliged to include this in any rant list under the terms of my agreement with Scroob. They've undoubtedly done something evil recently and deserve rantage.

I feel marginally better now. Before dashing off to lecture perpetrating undergrads on the evils of plagiarism, I'm going to fortify myself with chocolate, disdaining all health issues, which will undoubtedly make me feel better still. Also, I love the mental picture of my inner jack-booted fascist being all placated by chocolate. Grumpy thing that she is.