Day 10: various needs
Sunday, 5 April 2020 10:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
freckles_and_doubtYesterday I realised that (a) as a result of random mention in a book I was reading, I was craving chocolate mousse, (b) I happened to have all the ingredients for same in the house, and (c) there was no real reason why I shouldn't indulge the yen. So I did. I am having chocolate mousse for breakfast, because it's lockdown in a global pandemic and I think it'll be good for my mental health. Also, it's probably less expensive than damned well ordering a Switch, which I still want to do.
Yesterday's other interesting discovery: there is, apparently, no actual difference in my personal psychological terms between a virtual and a real-world party. Jo&stv used to arrange, when they were in CT, Minimum Viable Parties, which were a themed two-hour dance party in their living room, usually attracting around 30 people. I attended probably about half of those, on account of my extremely complicated and vexed relationship with crowds and socialising, which meant that there was an approximately 50% chance that I would for any given party manage to persuade myself to leave the house for it. (This is very literal: for several of them I dressed up for them, picked up keys and handbag and shit, and then stood in front of the closed front door for several minutes wrestling with self and was completely unable to find the necessary gumption to actually leave.) When I did attend they were uniformly lovely evenings.
Last night they had a virtual version on Zoom, and I sat in front of the Zoom app for ten minutes and was completely unable to persuade myself to click "Join". Because the virtual is real and crowds are crowds whether they're in the room on on your screen, and interaction is very definitely interaction. And apparently, after three weeks at home and (as they pointed out) more Zoom meetings in the last two weeks than is strictly enjoyable or sane, I simply can't. But by all accounts a good time was had by all. Maybe the stars will align to influence my ridiculous hang-ups so I can attend the next one.
Yesterday's other interesting discovery: there is, apparently, no actual difference in my personal psychological terms between a virtual and a real-world party. Jo&stv used to arrange, when they were in CT, Minimum Viable Parties, which were a themed two-hour dance party in their living room, usually attracting around 30 people. I attended probably about half of those, on account of my extremely complicated and vexed relationship with crowds and socialising, which meant that there was an approximately 50% chance that I would for any given party manage to persuade myself to leave the house for it. (This is very literal: for several of them I dressed up for them, picked up keys and handbag and shit, and then stood in front of the closed front door for several minutes wrestling with self and was completely unable to find the necessary gumption to actually leave.) When I did attend they were uniformly lovely evenings.
Last night they had a virtual version on Zoom, and I sat in front of the Zoom app for ten minutes and was completely unable to persuade myself to click "Join". Because the virtual is real and crowds are crowds whether they're in the room on on your screen, and interaction is very definitely interaction. And apparently, after three weeks at home and (as they pointed out) more Zoom meetings in the last two weeks than is strictly enjoyable or sane, I simply can't. But by all accounts a good time was had by all. Maybe the stars will align to influence my ridiculous hang-ups so I can attend the next one.
