do you have a licence for your monkey?

[freckles_and_doubt]

Please all join me momentarily in ritually cursing the name of government bureaucracy. I tried to renew my vehicle license this morning. All very law-abiding, only one day after it actually expires... So I join a queue, with two people in front of me, each clutching a vehicle license. Twenty minutes later (because the mills of local government grind exceedingly slow) I approach a window. The woman at the window (who has just renewed a license for the person ahead of me in the queue) looks at me and says "You're in the wrong queue. Queue there for vehicle license renewals," and points off to the right, to the massive 15-person queue, designated by identical roped-off aisles and totally unsignposted in any way, and which has doubled since I started waiting. To any of my expostulations, about my 20-minute wait, or the two people who were served ahead of me for exactly the same transaction, she repeats "You're in the wrong queue. Queue there for vehicle license renewals."

Do I have the kind of face that puts bureaucrats into a killing frenzy? I mean, really. I don't see how I was different to the two people ahead of me. I left in a thundering rage, which has given me a headache for the rest of the day, and with my license unrenewed. I console myself with the thought that, if karmic backlash has any force at all, the wretched woman is currently afflicted with boils on the butt, woodworm, lice, plagues of frogs and persistently affectionate relatives who play bad country and western 24/7.

Thundering Rage Consolation Prizes: bought myself roses, played computer games all morning, and re-read the Naked Quidditch Harry Potter fanfic, which is deeply entertaining.

I also read the second Lemony Snicket until 1am this morning, chortling loudly at intervals; the Evil Landlord probably thinks I'm insane. Favourite line: "never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian Wolfsnake near a typewriter." Also, the dreaded Snicket has apparently invented his own line in Biting Babyisms, which are curiously akin to the Tom Swifties of sf legend and song. (Tom Swifties, from the kids' sf books about a wonder boy inventor: "Tom took a biscuit gingerly", or "'Pass the lobster,' Tom said crabbily.") Sunny the baby shouts random gibberoid words which the narrator interprets, and I only cottoned on halfway through that the word is sometimes actually linked to its probable meaning. As in: "'Ackroid!" Sunny said, which probably meant something like 'Roger!'"

Comments

I'll see you one ritual cursing and raise you an elaborate revenge plot

[(Anonymous)]

Only it has to apply, not just to government bureaucracy, but to customer disservice departments of all shades. Which I maintain can make ordinary ol' red tape look positively festive. I have had so many evil experiences over the past couple of years - with SA financial services companies (who will snatch my money and then pretend they're not there and cannot under any circumstances be spoken to), with Amazon (repeatedly), with all kinds of folk, and then of course with any EU embassy visa department you care to name - that the merest whiff of an 0870 number or email address beginning with, say, info@ can send my normally low blood pressure rocketing to unheard of levels.

Evil. Evil. Evil.

But enjoy the roses.

robynn

PS thanks for Quidditch link. Am investigating.

Re: I'll see you one ritual cursing and raise you an elaborate revenge plot

[extemporanea.livejournal.com]

The secret is to chalk pentagrams on the soles of your feet before phoning anything bureaucratic. It earths the negative vibes, or something equally new-agey, and even if it doesn't, the pleasant tickling sensation tends to put you in a better mood for dealing with them.

I owe you some Potterfic links. Hmmm, let's see. Do you want angsty relationship stuff, or humour? One of my favourite lighter ones is by Maya, see the Schnoogle website (http://www.schnoogle.com/authorlinks/maya) (Draco/Hermione, Harry/Ginny); I'm also rather partial to AJ Hall, whose Lust over Pendle and sequels are incredibly entertaining slash which pairs a reformed Draco Malfoy with Neville Longbottom... See her Lopiverse site (http://www.lopiverse.shoesforindustry.net/index.html). Some of this is crossover with Bujold's space opera. Cassie Claire, the Secret Diaries person, has a whole bunch of fanfic which is very good; see her LJ, epicyclical, there are links to her stories down the side. Rather dark and angsty.

Re: I'll see you one ritual cursing and raise you an elaborate revenge plot

[extemporanea.livejournal.com]

Whoops, sorry, error in the Maya link. It's here. (http://www.schnoogle.com/authorLinks/Maya) I always forget that Schnoogle URLs are, for some bizarre reason, case-sensitive.