Let's vary piracee / With a little burglaree!

[freckles_and_doubt]

I love the internet. I whinge wistfully about my lack of a Castle fix, and have three offers to supply the goods in the space of twenty-four hours - one from a lurker who I didn't even know was reading. (Hi, Andrea!). I also hope the Powers That Be get their arses in gear and produce the Region 2 DVD eftsoons and right speedily, as I'm suffering gnawing guilt from all this piracy. But not, may I add, enough guilt to make me stop watching them. Gosh, no.

The piracy karma is probably what caused yesterday's merry little instalment of the South African Experience, viz. being dragged home at lunchtime by the armed response guy because, yet again, we'd been burgled. This was completely inevitable: we've had renovators in the house potentially casing the joint, and besides they managed to put a chisel through the alarm sensor cables, which means the alarm hasn't worked for a couple of months. Last week we had the sensors rewired, but the damned thing is still not sending an alert to the company even if the alarm goes off, which is Dead Suspicious as it was working fine before the renovations. The Evil Landlord is locked in an epic battle with the alarm company owing to their pathetically transparent attempt to make us buy a new system by dint of refusing to even look at the old one because it's "too old to repair". Pshaw, and likewise phooey. However, my money's on his Germanic Stubbornness quotient, which is ideally suited to these little challenges.

We were thus set up nicely by circumstances, and given the last burglary it was all curiously familiar. The bastards once again levered the burglar bars off the window in the Evil Landlord's bedroom, leaving chunks of wall all over the floor. They seem to have gone through a random selection of the house, including his gym bag and my dressing table, but yet again they don't seem to have taken any of my jewellery, which I kinda take personally since it implies an aesthetic rejection I find hurtful. Nor did they touch the CD or DVD collection, which is always my primary fear. Computers all OK, electronics untouched - in fact, the only thing they seem to have stolen was a pair of the EL's track suit pants, which seems a mite fetishistic to me. I think the slightly dadaist break-in was because they were interrupted, by (a) the alarm going off, (b) the crazy next-door-neighbour hearing it and pushing her panic button on paranoid reflex, and (c) the presence of the other next-door-neighbour's visitor in the road outside, where he was ideally positioned to watch the burglar jump over the wall and pause to put on his trousers before running down the road. (Don't ask. I suspect they may have been the missing EL trousers).

Is it just me, or are we inflicted with particularly odd burglars? Not to mention, of course, burglar bars that are attached entirely inadequately. Future plans (apart from Fix Alarm, which the EL is onto): weld bars to iron bars sunk into wall and themselves welded to iron bars sunk into floor and chained to iron bar which Hobbit is sitting on. Also, follow the XKCD principle and get a laser pointer for the cats. Irritation at future attempted burglaries will be largely assuaged by having to clear up the small piles of ash.

Comments

[scrumisscrum.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

My sympathies regarding the invasion. When we moved into our latest house (can't call it new since we've been here over 2 years now) we were somewhat taken aback by the lack of burglar bars.

Now two years later we've had no successful incursions owing largely to the uninterrupted sight lines provided by low walls and outdoor IR-beams. We have had a few nocturnal prowlers who've been universally frightened off by me switching the lounge lights on and thumping the blinds to alert them to the fact that they are being watched. I'm convinced that since then 'Word has gotten around'(TM)

As regards the sheer randomness of the items purloined, I'm of the opinion that this is due to the emergence of a 1st World problem, namely junkies, rather than good old fashioned 3rd world poverty being the motivating factor. It's sometimes hard to steal a stereo when its covered in spiders and your grandmother is climbing up your leg while holding a knife between her teeth.

And they say drugs are for people who are afraid of reality.

[extemporanea.livejournal.com]

It's sometimes hard to steal a stereo when its covered in spiders and your grandmother is climbing up your leg while holding a knife between her teeth.

OMG this image made my day. Possibly my month. It possibly also explains why he wasn't wearing any trousers.

We should totally swop house viewings at some stage, possibly over dinners.

[scrumisscrum.wordpress.com (from livejournal.com)]

Sadly, I cannot take credit for it (the image); either Hunter S. Thompson or PJ 'O Rourke (can't remember which).

And it would rather nice to swop dinners at some point (preferably after our study is no longer in our kitchen on account of there not being a floor in the study - I do so love renovations).

[tngr-spacecadet.livejournal.com]

AAARGH! The joys of renovations, and thank heavens for next door neighbours who set their alarms off in sympathy. I can recommend a thoroughly nice Burglar Alarm Guy, by the way. As C says, a well-situated PIR or beam in the garden works wonders for making the alarm go off BEFORE anybody actually gets into the house.

Drugs

[schedule5.livejournal.com]

Argh. Horrible. I do think that junkies are becoming a problem. Our neighbours across the road had an attempted break-in a couple of weeks ago. They heard the horrendous noise the guys made outside, opened the window and shouted at them, then, as the intruders continued trying to break through the burglar bars, shot at them, presumably hitting at least one, because he (she?) bled all over. It still took the guys a couple of minutes to realise they'd been shot, so they continued trying to break in, then seemed to get the point, and left.

Drugs are the only explanation.

Cats are pretty good at setting off outdoor passive IR sensors, by the way. It's one of the reasons ours are kept in at night.